Sunday, January 24, 2016

Bougie Girl Coaching: Acceptance Of Your Lane



We all have a lane in someone's life. We are their best friend, significant other, party buddy, work associate, enemy, and/or neighbor. There is an order that must be followed for the world to stay in balance.

Sometimes, our roles are momentarily upgraded and we begin to believe that our jump from casual acquaintance to confidante will become a permanent way of life. Yet, over time we realize that our position within their lives has not really changed that much at all. It is just that in that small window of time, their confidante was not around and so they made do with us.



Our egos seem to be the last to accept the truth. We throw tantrums about how they are taking us for granted. In reality, they do appreciate us...as long as we stay in our original lane.


Friday, December 25, 2015

Emotional Ties Which Surround Our Hearts


Emotional ties are the last to leave a relationship. The are the embers which still smolder on the ash pile which is your former relationship. Your mind remembers how toxic the love was between you. Your soul would prefer not to ever go back to the crushing bondage that was your relationship.

However, your heart is the last to let go.

It would happily return to your Ex and go through the emotional BS because it is being guided by your wounded heart.


Thursday, December 10, 2015

What You Want vs. What You Are Ready For...





You are in hot pursuit of a situation/person that on the surface will complete your life.

But, what  happens when you actually obtain the much coveted situation/person?

The euphoria of your win eventually wears off and the cheering crowds have long dispersed.

Now, you are firmly affixed in your new awesome situation/relationship.

A cloud of loneliness and despair has settled over your life. From the outside you have all of the trappings of happy life. Yet, you are more miserable than ever.

Dreams can quickly turn into nightmares whenever we focus on the pursuit before taking steps to secure our emotional and mental infrastructure. Drama and chaos require very little personal infrastructure.

Pursuing a life without unnecessary drama and chaos require a lot of  personal infrastructure.




Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Stage Prop Love




You needed a place to stay, a sympathetic ear, and a new direction. They showed up in your life as if on cue. Now, you are with them and starting life anew. But, you do not really share a world view with them or even any common interests. They are simply a means to an end. 

They are a mere prop to the stage play that is your life. Stage props need to know their place at all times...which is wherever you decide to put them.

Now, time has passed and your Stage prop has become disenchanted with living a lie.

They are ready to lead a more authentic life with someone that genuinely cares for them as a person and not just a Stage Prop.

Saturday, November 28, 2015

Bubble of Badassery...






As badasses, we are accustomed to taking on momentous tasks with very little effort.

Secretly, we relish the challenge of breaking down impossible situations into something manageable. More than likely, our friends and close associates exhibit the same traits in badassery that we do.

This combination of our skill sets and environment creates a bubble of badassery which cossets us into thinking that everyone in the world is or at the very least should try to be more like us.

 I implore my fellow badasses to show restraint and extend grace to those whom do not share our skill set of being able to handle life's hardest hits.

Remember, there was a time in your life in which you were still navigating the choppy waters of overcoming adversity.




Tuesday, November 24, 2015

BGC: it will sting for a little while...






Failure can come when we least expect it. The dream job, awesome relationship, glamorous life which we have used as a measuring stick of our worth can all disappear overnight. We are left feeling out of sorts and in search of a new identity to hide behind.

Hiding isn't a long term solution. Eventually, we will have to come out and face the world again. There may be folks in our lives waiting for us to return so that they can remind us of their prior warnings  which we did not heed.

Yet, the sting of their well-meaning warnings will fade and we will be left with our own unprocessed shame. We will want to dive into another relationship, job, living situation, or social group.

We want to prove to the them and the world at large that we are doing better than ever.

But, in our hearts we know that the pain that we are experiencing is sharp and emotionally lethal.

It is at this time in which we must walk upon a path of long-term healing. This path will not always be pleasant because it will bring out years and maybe even decades of unprocessed emotions which can take hold over our present lives.

This pain will call up each and every misstep, rejection, and/or failure that we have ever experienced. During this time, we need to call on or perhaps even form an inner circle of healing.

An inner circle of healing can include therapists, clergy, books/podcasts/blogs, loved ones, and a journal. One of the key aspects of a successful inner circle of healing is the commitment to take action to move into a higher plane of life.

Before we can begin this process, we have to acknowledge that it is going to sting for a little while.









Monday, September 21, 2015

Your Character Is Not Up For Negotiation




You can negotiate just about anything in this world. However, be mindful that once your character comes up for negotiation...there will be trouble in your future.